so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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