I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
