Are we in a gay sports bar?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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