How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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