Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
