C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
