That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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