before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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