if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
