I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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