You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
