Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
