everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
