8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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