I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
try to milk me bitch
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
