i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just forgot I was standing up.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
