This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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