he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
where does the pee come out of this thing
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
