I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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