HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
