Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
