He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
