So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
