We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
