I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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