My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
