oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
