You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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