your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
