She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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