in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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