You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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