last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Your cock deserves a montage
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
