i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
false alarm, still single
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