highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
