btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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