No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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