there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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