So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
