Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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