what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
