remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
