He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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