mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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