fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
