2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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