I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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