he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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