there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
