Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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