I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
