as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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